Another Father’s Day Without Tatay

It’s been so long since we celebrate father’s day with him. As far as I remember,  it’s been 10 years since he walked away in our lives, since he left us.

It’s really hard growing up without having a dad.

Sobrang hirap! Yung tipong pag nasira yung gripo nyo, yung ilaw nyo, kelangan mo pang humingi ng tulong sa kapitbahay just to fix what is broken. Yung pag gagagraduate ka, gusto mo dalawa sila ng nanay mo na maghahatid sayo sa stage pero wala. Yung pag gagabihin ka ng uwi, may tatay na magtetext sayo kung nasan ka na, pero wala. Yung tipong pag ginagabi ka sa mga lakaran eh papagalitan ka at papaalalahan ka, pero wala.

Sa tagal na ng panahon na di namin sya kasama, napakadami na ding okasyon ang nacelebrate namin ng wala sya. Ilang Pasko at Bagong Taon na ba ang nasalubong namin ng wala sya, napakadami na.

Naggraduate ako ng elementary, ng highschool, ng college, wala sya. Nagdebut ako, wala sya. Nagkaboyfriend ako nung highschool, di man lang nya nakilala kasi wala sya. Umattend ako ng prom, ng graduation ball pero di man lang nya nakita kung ano ang suot ko kasi wala sya. Natanggap ako sa una kong trabaho pero di nya alam kung gano ako kasaya kasi wala sya. Sa lahat ng ligaya at tagumpay ko, wala ang tatay ko. Sa lahat ng pagkabigo ko wala ang tatay ko para damayan ako. Kung sana andito ka at di mo kami iniwan, eh di sana mas masaya. If you never leave, things could be different. That I’m sure of.

Sa lahat ng pagkukulang ng tatay ko, nagpapasalamat naman ako sa nanay ko na syang nagpuno nun. She’s been our tatay and nanay ever since. She’s one amazing woman, bravest even.

A few of my friends just knew about this, and if ever they asked where’s my dad is, even after all those years that he’s not living with us, maiiyak pa din ako pag kukwento ko sa kanila. Kasi masakit pa din. It makes me feel empty somehow. Parang kahit na madami ang nagmamahal sayo, there is one aspect in your life that is lacking.

So for those people who have dads with them, lucky you! I’m so envious. 😯 And for those people who got the chance to celebrate father’s day with their dads, go greet them, enveloped them with a hug and kiss them at least. And oh, say that you’re thankful as well.

For all the fathers out there, specially for those who stay, Happy Father’s Day!!